process emotions

Overcoming Co-dependency

Free Online Conference - Overcoming Codependency June 25th - July 1st

Over the years, the word 'co-dependency' has become used to describe so many different relationship problems that today the term isn't often very helpful.

The original meaning of the word was used to describe a person who was dependent on another person having problems so that they could feel 'needed', 'valued' 'significant' and 'worthy' through 'fixing' and 'rescuing' them.

But Co-dependency isn't really about other people - it's about - disconnection from ourselves.

So if you:

find it difficult to say no and put in boundaries in your relationships

are the person that people always come to for help and advice

are more concerned about the needs and feelings of others than you are about your own

often feel responsible for other people’s happiness

find yourself excessively worrying about other people’s problems and trying to solve them

struggle with excessive feelings of guilt and anxiety around relationships

find it difficult to maintain a sense of individuality in relationships

the chances are you are struggling with co-dependency

In schema terms, co-dependency is best illustrated by the self-sacrifice schema and if you would like to hear more about this, there is a fantastic FREE online event in which myself and 26 other authors, doctors, therapists and relationship experts talk about what co-dependency actually is and how to overcome it.

I really enjoyed my interview with the host Ande Anderson - she was a great interviewer!

you can listen to my interview about schemas, the brain and co-dependency on day 5 - 29th June.

I really hope you get a lot out of the conference!

How We Change

Research shows that the chances of making any kind of significant change in our lives are just 9:1 - even if we're facing a life threatening disease. That's a lot of unrealised goals and broken dreams!

So why is it so hard to change?

Why do we fail time and time and time again to do the things we KNOW will make our lives better?

Well, here's the thing, the part of our brain that is responsible for achieving our dreams and goals is very much affected by the childhoods that we have. We need certain conditions in childhood to build a brain that can push through fear, self doubt and frustration - the main things that derail us on our paths to change.

But there is hope! our brains are always changing - and if you know what you need to do to build an effective brain, your chances of success are way better.

Check out the video below on How We Change - video # 3 in my 3-part video series

Breaking the Patterns from the Past.

If you haven't watched Video # 1 and Video # 2- make sure you watch those first.

Amendment: Pricing structure of the online programme has now changed from a one off payment to monthly membership of $49 US per month.

If you're interested in the online programme mentioned in the video click here for more details.

or you might want to join our free face-book group Breaking the Patterns from the Past.

When the Past isn’t Past

"Just get over it" "It's all in the past" " Just let go" " Just move on"

"That was then - this is now"

We hear comments like this a lot. No matter what has happened to us in the past, we are often expected to be able to leave the past well and truly in the past and just 'get on with life'.

But what if it isn't really that simple?

Groundbreaking research into the long term effects of childhood adversity, shows that the way we are raised and the quality of our childhood environment actually shapes the way our brain develops and functions.

Many of the issues we struggle with today - addictions, anxiety, depression, eating disorders and problems in relationships are often due to what we have experienced in the past.

Find out more in my second video from the 3-part video series:

Breaking the Patterns from the Past.

Video # 2 When the Past isn't Past

In this video, you'll learn about the main causes of anxiety and depression and why some people get addicted while others don't. You'll also learn about our two brains and how conflict between them contributes to self sabotage and procrastination.

Before watching video # 2, make sure you have seen video # 1.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD VIDEO # 2 WORKSHEET

I would love to hear your thoughts on the content of this video, so please feel free to leave comments below.

Video # 3 in the series will be posted on the blog section of schema therapy online in the coming few days.

In the meantime, why not join our free face book group 'Breaking the Patterns from the Past'

Breaking the Patterns from the Past

Welcome to this 3 part video training series on

Breaking the Patterns from the Past.

This video series is for anyone who wants to gain a deeper understanding of why we often find ourselves stuck with difficult emotions, unhelpful thoughts and self sabotaging behaviours.

The information in these videos is absolutely groundbreaking and is based on the most up to date scientific research from the fields of neuroscience, attachment, trauma and child development.

Video # 1 What Every Child Needs

In this first video, you will learn about what we need as children to develop a healthy balanced brain that allows us to thrive in life.

You will also learn about essential emotional needs and the devastating impact on the brain when these needs go unmet for prolonged periods of time.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD VIDEO # 1 WORKSHEET

Video # 2 will be posted on the blog section of this site in the next couple of days, so you might want to bookmark this page if you are interested in finding out how your present struggles might be related to your childhood environment.

In the meantime, why not join our free facebook group 'Breaking the Patterns from the Past'

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the information in the video - whatever they are! so please consider leaving a comment below.

How To Identify Emotions & Feelings

In my last post, I shared one of my series of videos on emotions -'Dealing with overwhelming emotions'. However, before we can really get anywhere with managing and processing emotions, we need to first be able to identify them.

And this isn't an easy task if we have spent most of our life avoiding, suppressing or numbing our emotions. Initially, it can be really difficult just staying with our feelings long enough to name them.

On top of this, the way our brains have developed can make it biologically quite difficult to identify our feelings. This is often one of the main reasons a lot of self help books or therapies don't produce optimal results.

We first have to create the capacity for change in our brains.

Check out the video below to find out more about this and also learn a 6 step process for identifying your emotions and feelings.

Click here to get a copy of the emotions and feelings list mentioned in the video.

If you found this video interesting, or you struggle to manage your emotions, why not have a look through our schema pages or join our free face book group. Breaking the Patterns from the Past.

Our new online programme designed to help you heal the patterns from the past launches on Monday 14th May so if this is something that you might be interested in click here for more details

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the information in the video, so please feel free to leave a comment below.